Saturday, May 21, 2011

"Mommy Time" Yes It Can Happen!

This has got to be one of the hardest, challenging yet rewarding time of my life! It's so hard to explain to people who do not have children and sometimes I feel guilty for saying it can be challenging because I have only two children. I have several friends and family members included that have 5 to 6 kids! I am a working mom of two daughters and a wife to a pretty neat guy! I come home each day from an exhausting day of working with kids and find my own children who are begging me for my attention and love. Some days I just don't have it. Some days I want to crawl onto the couch with a glass of wine and just relax like I have no care in the world. Very rarely does this happen. Getting dinner ready, lunches made for the next day, dropping off and picking up from extra-curricular activities, daily cleaning and then also finding time for my hubby. By the time that is all completed I am ZONKED! Soon it's off to bed with a headache and a wiped out 36 year old who has wondered where the day has gone. Where is down time? Where is "me" time? Most days I felt guilty for even sitting down for 10 minutes to read a book. There is always something that needs to be cleaned, a meal made, clothes changed and errands to run.

Things have just recently changed for the better. I still live the same crazy life of cleaner, caretaker, grocery shopper, bill payer, wife and mother but I have also fit in what I call, "Mommy Time."  This "Mommy Time" consists of any time away from the house for a minimum of 1 hour, away from family obligations and fulfilling no body's expectations but my own. It's perfect. My goal for "Mommy Time" is 3 days a week. The only way I have allowed myself to fit this in is having such a supportive husband. If that was not the case..."Mommy Time" would be non-existent.

"Mommy Time" can be a range of a variety of activities including working out, reading at Barnes and Noble, GNO (Girls Night Out), shopping, pedi's, and writing. The list can go most of your mothers know.

The best thing about fitting in my "Mommy Time" is there is absolutely no guilt. It is like it has been erased from my mind. I have come to an understanding that in order for my family to function in a happy "state" I need to have some kind of down time. Just fitting this time in has made our little family even more healthier than it was before. It is really amazing how fitting in three hours a week for myself can change your whole family's dynamic and well being. It has actually been mandatory in my recovery.

I love coming home from work everyday now, I have the energy for my children, my husband and myself!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

"Just Living is Not Enough, One Must Have Sunshine, Freedom and a Little Flower."

It has been along time since I have written in my blog. I guess life had just really taken over there for awhile. In November of 2010 my life really came to a hault when my family and I  went through what some people would call a "life changing experience." I don't want to get into the details of the experience but it really affected everything around me. When something like this happens you really have to sit back and let God take the wheel and trust in him that everything will work out. For the first time I really had to let him control everything. Strangely was not that hard to do and in the end there was success. I guess I felt as though whatever I was going through at the time wasn't working so somebody had to take the reins. I was at one of the lowest times of my life and I was trying to maintain a somewhat normal schedule for the girls. It was very hard, but I did it. I also had to go to work everyday and put a fake smile on my face, which come to find out, I did that often. Depression, stress, guilt, resentment was a front row seat in my life. I almost lost my teaching job and broke up my family. Hard times for me, Pete and the girls. I began seeing a therapist, which was one of the best decisions in my life. I have learned so much about myself and the healing process has begun. My school was unbelievably supportive and through all of the hard times I really established some great friendships with people whom I never thought I would be close to. So now here I am, 6 months later....and I feel like a new person! I have set up some very healthy boundaries with my family and with people I work with. I have released the negative people in my life who have affected me and it feels so tremendous! This whole process has really opened the doors to who my TRUE friends are.
Today, I am still working hard on this sole searching adventure but I feel I am getting better and better everyday. Things are falling into place so perfectly. I still have low days of course but I know how to handle them better. Above all I have distinguished the guilt and resentment that once harbored me and I am now moving on with my life. I wish my family and friends the same kind of peace that I am sitting with today. I am enjoying life, depending on God for everything and have fallen in love with Pete in a way I thought was never possible. I will leave you with this quote which I find so true. "What happens to a man is less significant than what happens within him." Louis L. Mann